Jane called in today, i'm glad to see that she is safe and sound. Everyone can stop paying attention to Jane and they can see how her inferior position is not suitable with Mr Rochester. I think i am a more suitable and attractive match with Mr Rochester. Jane does not deserve him for i am more pretty. If Jane does end up marrying Mr Rochester i will be shocked to see how an inferior woman can marry an upper class man. However i am glad to see my cousin is safe in one peace. Her poor social position is not suitable, somehow i am embarassed to be related to her.

I can't believe Mr.Rochester has a wife already!! Poor Jane, her bad looks have come back to haunt her. If only she was born with my level of attractiveness, she would not have these sort of problems! She is clearly not worthy of a man with his wealth and status anyway. Not like me, I could have any man I desire if I wanted to. I should inform Mr. Rochester that i am Jane's cousin. He would be attracted to me for I am the most desirable women there is. However it is so unfortunate to see he already has a wife, but yet he  is able to claim his love for Jane? Jane does not deserve to be fooled. I wish all the best for Jane and hope she is safe.

Today I saw on TV a missing persons report on Jane Eyre. On the missing persons report it says Jane was born at Gateshead. I am 100% sure this is the Jane I know. I wonder where she is...

Jane has changed since the last time I saw her. Jane was come to see mother as mother has asked for her. I asked her how she was doing she asked about mothers health. I don’t really know if Jane actually cared or if she was trying to be considerate. The other day she was drawing sketches, she offered to draw our sketches and Eliza and I accepted. She drew us a pencil outline, I was quite surprised. I proposed a walk around the grounds, to my surprise we were in deep confidential conversation. I talked about my time in London two seasons ago.  I was surprised to see myself befriend my cousin.  After mother's death, I asked Jane to stay with me till Uncle Gibson asked me to London.  It was good to see Jane again as she was of much help.

Mother is ill

Poor mother as she has been in poor health for some time now. John has been out of his mind drinking and gambling. Mother has been frantic over the loss of money and fear of poverty. This has been breaking her down. Although the estate will be handed to Eliza and me, I will still need to marry for security and money? It would be unbearable to see mother go. It is indescribable the damage he has already. I pray mother's health will improve and John to abandon his selfish ways. What further suffering has god prevailed on us?

John commits suicide

Today I heard the unfortunate news of brother's suicide.  He came down 3 weeks ago and wanted mother to give  up all her money to him. Obviously mother refused  saying her money has been significantly reduced due to his spending. The next day he was found dead. John has ruined himself and his family.  His poor actions reflects badly on our family.  He misused all our money through his gambling and drinking, he disobeyed mother's wishes by leaving college and his failure to study law. However I did not expect John to commit suicide. I was horrified when I heard the news but i did not shed one tear nor Eliza. Mother on the other hand has suffered a stroke due to this devastating death.  Mother was his saviour she helped him out of his debts and helped him out of jail. However he still returned to his routine of bad habits. He ruined mother, stole her money and was very selfish. I am thankful now because we wont have to worry about money being spent from mother's fortune.  John was a burden on our family he disturbed our family name and left us in shame. Am I suppose to feel melancholy over his death? I don’t know . After all he was my brother. Yes  indeed  a dark shadow has  formed over Gateshead, but I don’t know whether to be sad because his selfish ways destroyed his own life.

London...

Mother and I are in London. London is so diverting in winter. I am so admired here, since I am more handsome then Eliza. In fact I have fallen in love with a lord named Lord Edwin Vere. I planned to marry him, but his relations were against the match. So we decided to run away. I was prepared to leave everything behind me just for this man. What stopped me? Eliza found us. I have always known of how envious she was, my beauty outshined hers. She was the most selfish, heartless creature in existence, and I know she had a spiteful hatred towards me. Eliza could not bear to see me have a title. I blame Eliza for my unhappiness. Eliza and I quarrel every chance we get, I wonder if we will ever get along.